My Story by God (god)

(as emailed to alan macmillan orr)

Listen to the Audio as you read the email, spoken by Alan


chapter one

chapter two

chapter three

chapter four

chapter five

chapter six

chapter seven

chapter eight

chapter nine

chapter ten

chapter eleven

chapter twelve


Welcome to my World

There have been so many stories written about me, so much conjecture, so much killing in my name, and to be honest with you, I’ve had enough of it, so I’m here to set the record straight. And if you wonder how I’m writing this down and sharing it with you, no, I’m not channelling it through a human, have you never heard of email?
So, where shall I begin? At the beginning? No, that would be too complicated for your small human brains to comprehend. But let me just say this. There is no beginning, in the same way there is no end.


On earth, your scientists and religious leaders have been arguing over whether the universe started with a “big bang” and life magically started to evolve over billions of years after a random event created “the earth” or whether I created the earth in 7 days. Well, do you know what? Neither are in fact “truth”. As I said in my first paragraph, the human brain in its desire to understand where “it” was created has limited itself, by the very question, causing only a feedback loop, that agrees with whatever “you” are predominantly thinking about.

So back to square one.

Let’s start with the premise that an almighty (excuse the pun) explosion took place “somewhere” and “created” a dark space filled with swirling gases, and matter, and that matter eventually came together to create the one and only earth, where life gradually evolved and man left the sea before eventually creating facebook and twitter. Yes, I can see how that would make sense!

OK, what about this? “I” as a supernatural being, one who is infinite and eternal, decided on a whim one day that life in the universe wasn’t complete and I had to create a murdering cruel species and call it “Human”, and create it in my own image (not saying a lot about me is it?), why do you think I would have done that?

In the last interview I did on earth they were asking me why it took me 7 days to create the earth and I replied “Yeah, I had to work pretty hard creating the intrinsic relationships between all the species, developing food chains, but I put in some extra hours and then rested on the 7th day.”

“But” I questioned, “If I am eternal and infinite what does a human day or hour mean to me?” They couldn’t answer, but I told them.

“Nothing,” I said. “I did not create the earth in 7 days, nor did I create man in my own image, man chose his own image. Man chose to decide I was the creator. Man then chose to believe there couldn’t be a creator.”
So let me ask you this dear readers. If I did create the earth, and my purpose was just to have you worship me, until one day I free you from the body I gave you, and you can sit in heaven, what would be the point of it? If I can do all these things, yet be so petty to ask you to offer yourself up to me, either I’m not the all powerful god people tell me I am, or I’ve got a pretty big ego? You tell me!

But I am powerful, and yes I do have a very big ego, and in the competitions between all the prime eternal beings (oh yes we do love to compete), I have always won with my creations, and in that way I am much like you.

The challenge I set myself (and the other gods) was to create a world capable of supporting life, capable of sustaining itself independently from me. You may wonder how I came up with so many interdependent species, or how I created ecosystems, weather, the sun, gravity, or the human mind? And so I expect you want to know how I did it? Well, here’s the answer you have been seeking. I imagined it all at once in my mind, and through my infinite power as an eternal being, it was brought into existence! But you’re not buying that, and neither you should. In the same way as you shouldn’t buy “the big bang theory”. Remember, science has been created by the human mind which is in itself limited by itself!

So, two choices you have been offered. One, I created this earth you inhabit, and two, an explosion of such magnitude happened that out of nothing came something. Sounds a bit black and white, left or right, up or down.

In other words, you have been offered an “either, or” proposition. Good or evil, right or wrong, happy or sad. You have been offered polar opposites, because the people in charge have decided that although you should be given free will, that free will should be split between two choices. Hot or cold. Light or dark. But you have been tricked, and not by me.

That is why I have come to you today. Not to save you. But to open your human minds to a new possibility. I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to intervene.

Everyone said to me, “God, just leave them to their own devices, you can’t do anything to help them, and anyway, there’s a billion more of your little planets you created on a whim that need a bit of attention. But. And here’s the thing. I feel kinda responsible for all the grief you are putting yourself through. Why? All shall be revealed.


Thanks for your support

You may be wondering why I am speaking to you in a language you understand, or using terminology that is current at your year of 2011, instead of speaking to you in the language of the ancients. But I never spoke in the language of the ancients, they did, and this seems to be the only way I can communicate directly with you.

For you, time appears to have moved on. For me, as an eternal infinite being, time moves neither forward nor backward but stays present, with me at all times. But that’s another story.

So, lets get back to the beginning, or should I say the beginning of your decision to follow me and pray to me, and offer sacrifices to me. You see, it all started out as a joke. I bet some of the other creators that unlike them, I could create a species that felt a need to believe in something greater than themselves, and be afraid of this “something greater”. They didn’t think I had it in me, but here we are several thousand years later, and you are still doing it! Lol, as I think you say.
It was funny for a while, but even I got tired of seeing you on your knees praying to me, so I sent you a new program, one which I believed would change your thinking, one which would enable you to question my existence, and expand your own consciousness, but you all kept praying, and fighting anyone who didn’t agree with you.

I realised I had made some major mistakes in your design, and so I am here to tell you that from next year, I am discontinuing the model 1.0 brain that I installed and sending you a complete new version. Brain 2.0 has been tested extensively by me, and by my team and should kick the planet back on track. I know it’s been a long time coming, and believe me when I tell you, I’ve been getting a lot of grief from the other gods about my sloppy workmanship on version 1.0. So please accept my apologies.

I am trying to find a date and time to do the upgrade, but upgrading 6.8 billion systems in the same moment is a large task even for an infinite eternal being like myself! I’ll keep you informed through the usual channels.

But the flaws in version 1.0 were not technically my fault. Only recently did one of the other creators admit that in order to win the bet of who creates the best world, he slipped a virus into my programming of the perfect being, and believe me when I tell you, I write the best code. This virus was not easy to spot, attaching itself to my excellent code and gradually changing it line by line, until the whole program became infected.

Here’s a short list of subroutines that were introduced in version 1.0 which were not part of the original design.

  1. A violent nature
  2. The need to believe in something greater than oneself.
  3. Greed
  4. Desire
  5. Jealousy
  6. Ambition
  7. Hatred
  8. Fear
  9. Power and control over others.

I think some people did spot the virus, but they attributed it to me, and that only through me, could they transcend it, but that was not true. Whether you believed in me or not, you couldn’t fundamentally transcend it. The code was fixed. So all your praying hasn’t done you any good. Sorry about that. It is only when the upgrade is transmitted to you will you get rid of these flaws. Watch this space!

But back to you, and the support you have shown me over the years. I have been thankful that you recognised my work, and wished to attribute some words to me, but they were never my words, after all, you have never met me. These are words created by the virus, and have been infecting your nature for thousands of earth years. Once again, sorry about that.

But the god who infected my code has apologised to me, as I am doing to you. But you must remember, that for us, creation is no more than a game, that we can end at any point, so before you get all upset be thankful that I am bothering to send an upgrade. I don’t have to. I just don’t like untidy workmanship.

So keep sending me your good wishes, but recognise that the list of subroutines introduced by the virus, were just that, a virus. Nothing more, nothing less.


Trust. A lie, perpetuated.

Before I continue, let me admit to you that everything I wrote in the previous two chapters was a lie. A very clever, deviously orchestrated lie, created in order to trap you into believing anything I say. But I am very clever like that, some have called me “the devil” amongst other nasty names! I control what you think when you think how you think. I am you. I control you. I am the poison in your brain that you speak every day. I am the virus and the creator.

So who is telling the truth? Who’s voice am I speaking in? Is it me? Or is it YOU? That’s a hard one to work out isn’t it?

Is everything you have read about “me” the truth? How can you be sure? How can you be sure that everything you have been told isn’t a lie created and perpetuated by me? Maybe I planted the idea in your mind that there is a creator, or not a creator, or that the universe happened in a big bang. Maybe I want to spread chaos, maybe I want to create division in your mind, and externally in your (my) world in order to have fun. Maybe I want you to fight over me? Maybe I want you to kill each other. Maybe I want…

So many maybes that by now your mind must been in a bit of a tizz! That’s OK. I am also here to soothe it. I am here to make everything better. I am here to save you. But you can’t be sure if I am telling the truth can you? You cannot be sure of anything.

I am here to plant seeds wherever they may take root and amuse myself at the consequences. I am here to save you from yourselves. I am here to save you from the evil ones. I am here to bask in your worship. I am here to suffer for you, and make you suffer.

But you can’t be sure of anything I tell you because you are not sure who I am. You do not know me like I know you. I know every thought in your mind because I planted it there. How could you, my creations, ever understand what is really going on?
It all comes down to that little word in your human vocabulary, “trust”. Who can you trust? Can you trust me? Can you trust yourself? Can you trust other humans? Can you trust the other species on the planet? (You define trust as “reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.”)

But I am the creator and I am actively lying to you. You have been told you can trust me, but I told you that I may be the devil, who will try to deceive you. So OK, now I have switched back to the creator and the devil is gone. You can trust me. Why would I lie to you?

Indeed, why would anyone lie to you? What would be their intention? Why would they bother? Unless they wanted to hide something from you – like their true intentions.
I hope you are following what I am saying to you. You must trust me.

This is a short example of trust and why you must trust me that I am telling you the truth.

“I am now on earth, and I have taken human form. I am here to show that I am the way. I am the son of god. I shall die for your sins.”

Now, do you trust that I said that? OK it was a few thousand years ago so your memory might not be what it used to be but you know I said something like that, don’t you? Don’t you? I said it and it is the truth so you must trust me. But you’re not sure are you? You cannot be 100% sure that the words you have read and have been told could have come from me. And neither should you believe. After all, I have already told you that everything I said in the first two chapters about life, creation, and existence was a lie. But was it a lie? Or is this “lie” covering up the real truth? That everything I said in the first two chapters was actually the truth and the third chapter was a lie?



So I’m glad you have decided that everything that was written in the past three chapters could not have been truth, and you have decided to let your mind open to something greater than truth, for truth is a man made word, and you and I know that you are so much more than that, don’t we?

You no longer read these words as truth, or a lie, but are allowing yourself to immerse yourself in a space where these concepts have no place.
Whether I created you, the universe or any other kind of verse created you, or you created yourself, you, in the form you choose to be present in, are here, and engaging with these words. That is self-evidential. But only you know.

It has been said that we are beings of light, that we may be aliens from another planet, or beings fro another dimension, or that everything external to our consciousness is an illusion. But you know who you are.

You know there is more to you than a label. Black. White. Japanese. American. Asian. Banker. Cleaner. Intellectual. Drug Addict. Thief. Soldier. Murderer. Housewife. You know.

You know that the body you are in is connected to your consciousness. That your existence on this planet in the form you choose to experience it depends on whether you choose to exist. But then you also know you cannot wish away existence.

You know. I know you know.

You’ve had a feeling for sometime that there is more to you than meets the eye. You know there is more to you than your house, your job, your status, your bank balance, your family. You know that it is an illusion created by you and everyone around you.

You also know that believing in something doesn’t mean it’s real. But then what is? Is the table you touch “real”? Or does it become real when you touch it? It doesn’t matter though. Whether something is real or not doesn’t concern you, does it? You know that “real” is a concept invented by the human mind, and you know you cannot trust your own mind to distinguish between a lie and the truth.

You can feel all that I am telling you and you can experience it directly. You know this.

So if you aren’t “just” human what are you? Does being more than human excuse you from your responsible role on the earth? Or does knowing mean that you will give as much attention to experiencing earth, as you would in any other form? Maybe you think that you are better than other humans, but you are the same. You have chosen to engage with me because you are ready to engage.

When others are ready they will also.
Until that time we must let them have belief, war, greed, anger, and in fact anything they choose, up to the point that they choose to engage with us. But you are not the chosen one. After all, who chose you? Me? You know who does the choosing around here. You know.

So do not bother questioning me or yourself about who you are. You know.


Doubting Thomas

“Doubting Thomas” is a term used to describe someone who refuses to believe something without direct, physical, personal evidence; also known as a sceptic. The term is based on the Biblical account of Thomas the Apostle, a disciple of Jesus who doubted Jesus’ resurrection and demanded to feel Jesus’ wounds before being convinced (John 20:24-29).
Apparently Thomas saw Jesus resurrected and became Thomas The Believer.

So they say. But we know better don’t we?

Oh, I see you’re not sure. I can feel it. I can feel doubt creeping into your being. But remember doubt is yet another human term, and we know that whether there was a man called Jesus (what? You didn’t think I was going to agree or disagree with you did you), whether he was resurrected, or died for your sins does not concern me, as sin is yet another of your strange human concepts.

“So,” you ask, “what are you doing appearing to me on paper? Why don’t you show yourself and do something that proves your existence?” But I do not ask you to prove your existence to me! In fact whether you exist or not means nothing to me, you cannot affect me, so I am not concerned with you. “Bit harsh” says you. But think about it. What possible interest could I have in you? I have my own existence to experience. I am here as a reflection of everything you know you are. I am here not to prove anything to you but so you can prove something to yourself.

So what are you trying to prove to yourself? “What am ‘I’ trying to prove to myself?” What am I in doubt about? What is it about “myself” that I need to prove?

Do I doubt the nature of my own existence? Do I need external validation? Do I need someone to tell me that I am the creation of God? That God will make everything alright? You know. You have always known.


From Behind The Invisibility Cloak

So you still want proof do you? Well, here’s your proof. I am here with you right now. How? I am appearing to you on this page, and in your mind, I am speaking to you, although it is in your voice. Satisfied? No?

OK, maybe that wasn’t proof enough for you. Maybe you need to see me with your own eyes? Maybe I need to appear to you. So here I am. I am right in front of you. Can you not see me?

I am here.

But of course you do not believe me. Why would you? If you cannot see me, then I must not exist. But then why would you believe anyone who told you I exist if they have not seen me? And there again, does wind exist even though you cannot see it?
I think before we continue I must explain why you cannot see me, and it has nothing to do with a lack of faith. It is because I am invisible to the naked eye. I am cloaked in an invisible shroud, one that you cannot penetrate. Why? Because if I revealed myself to you, in my true form, your mind would be overwhelmed. That is why I must remain invisible to you. That is why you must just have faith that I exist and let that be that.

But that doesn’t make any sense either, does it? So where do we go from here? Well, you can either accept in blind faith that I exist, or challenge me, and tell me I don’t exist. But that leaves you with a big problem. Who is writing this to you if it is not God? Who is writing this message to you? Where does it originate from? Who is the author? Who is communicating with you here? Perhaps you have been tricked. Perhaps this whole story is an elaborate rouse by a charlatan pretending to me. And the thing is, to you, that makes more sense, doesn’t it, as everyone knows that God (me) is an infinite eternal being who is not able to be seen through the naked eye, and who is only accessible through faith, and reading of the scriptures, which I handed down to you.

But still you question. You seek more knowledge of me, you want to know who I am. You don’t believe mere mortals telling you about me, you want to experience “God.” But as I have just told you, you cannot experience me, as I am invisible to you – unless you open up your heart.

Many people on earth have opened their hearts to me and let me in. Well, so they think. But have they let me in, and if I exist in them, what could my purpose or objective be of living in what seems to be just a pump that keeps the blood flowing around the body?

You forget that I created humans, as I created the earth, and as I already told you, I have no interest in my creations once they are created. Why would I be so petty as to only allow people to have access to me, if they opened their hearts to me? What, to experience “God’s love?” Well, I already created perfect beings who do not need to open themselves to anyone external to themselves, so don’t let anyone tell you any different.

You are perfect in every way (apart from the small error in the program that I am working to fix in version 2.0) you do not need to have faith in me, you do not need to open your heart to me, I won’t get upset. You do not need to tell others about me, or convince others that you have god on your side, or that your god is better than their god, I think I’m big and wise enough not to worry about that (I’m eternal and infinite!!) You do not need to quote from books written about me by people who have no knowledge of me to justify your actions. At the end of the day, I don’t care.

I created earth, as I created you, but you’re not the greatest thing I ever created, you just think you are. What do you think my greatest creation was? Well, you will have to pay close attention. My greatest creation was myself. And when I got bored I created you, amongst billions of other interconnected “things”.

I gave you the earth as a playground, but remember, this is my playground. You are merely getting to enjoy my creation. And that’s the thing. You don’t enjoy it do you? You don’t even try to understand the playground, but instead get involved in playground squabbles like small children. “No, it’s mine, it’s mine get off!”

But it’s not yours. Nothing on this earth belongs to you. Nothing you possess, is yours. Not even the body you currently inhabit. But you don’t believe that do you? It’s yours because you paid for it, but everything that you see, and touch belongs to me.

But still, you attempt to convince others that you “own” things. How can this be when I have told you that your statement is a lie? But then again, if you are certain that everything on earth belongs to you if you have paid for it then who am I to disagree? Am I not wise enough to accept your belief in your own thoughts? Especially as I created your thought. I created. Not you.

So do you have faith in your own mind? Do you trust what it is telling you? You do not appear to be able to trust me, as I tell you one thing, and in the same breath, dispute it, and tell you the opposite.

If I were you (which I’m not) I’d be starting to lose faith, not only in me, but in the very instrument that created the faith in the first place. I’d be questioning my mind. I’d be questioning where the thoughts originated from, and who is controlling them, because it’s certainly not me. I am a creator not a manipulator. That’s no fun. It would be too easy.

But then, who is controlling your thoughts? You? Don’t make me laugh. You are still squabbling in the playground.


The good news

Yes! There is good news. And the good news is that everything I have told you was the truth, as I see it. You can believe in me all you like or not believe in me, and all will still be well.
Whatever people tell you, they cannot understand that being an infinite eternal being is not something reserved for the creator, or one who believes in Him/Her/It. You cannot change that which is. You can pass judgements about that which is, or offer opinions, but that cannot change that which is.

So give up belief and disbelief, and concentrate on that which is. Do not try to attain anything greater than that which is. You already have all that you need.

You may see people dressed in diverse costumes, telling you you are less than me, but how can that be? You may see people sitting in silence trying to become me, but how can that be?

Remember I am an eternal infinite being, an entity which your human mind cannot comprehend in its current state, but that doesn’t mean I did not create you “in my own image”. And if I created you in my own image, why would I have given you only part of me? Why would I have left all the wisdom and understanding of that which is to a chosen few who believe in me? That cannot make sense to you.

If you are created in my image, you are also an eternal infinite being – a product of your own creation.
“My own creation.” Let that resonate with you for a moment.
“I am my own creation”.
So who am I? Wait. Whose voice was that which asked the question? It wasn’t mine. Listen.

“I am my own creation”.

Did I say that? And if I did then this page is a mere reflection of everything I wanted to understand. There is no you. You do not exist, only I exist. And I exist as a means of experiencing all that I may experience. So from now on I will not be speaking to you. You will be speaking to me, in the only person “I” understand, and that is “I”. So I am free. I am my own creation. I exist to experience all that I choose to experience and that which is, reflects my choices back to me. That’s good news right? After all, if I am creating everything, no one can ever do anything to “me” except me.
OK lets get back to “my” story.


Heaven, Hell, Reincarnation, and Cheeseburgers.

I have been told that there is a place where I go after I die called heaven (if I’ve been good). I have been told that there is a place called hell where I go after I die (if I’ve been bad). I have also been told that there is a thing called reincarnation which happens if I need to satisfy a karmic debt. And finally, I have been told I will get fat if I eat too many cheeseburgers.

Now before I say anything else, I am probably wondering what cheeseburgers have in common with heaven, hell, and reincarnation. And I would be right. On the surface – absolutely nothing. But I shall put it a different way, so I may understand better.

If I eat too many cheeseburgers which are full of fat, over time, the experience of eating them may result in my putting on weight. How will I know if I have put on weight? Well, I can see my stomach has become larger. I can feel that my stomach has become larger. I can experience what carrying around a few extra pounds means when I go for a run.

But all of this is through direct experience.

Now how can I experience heaven, hell, or reincarnation? Is it possible to experience them directly right now? Is it possible to know these places? How do I know I have been reincarnated?

Because, someone told me.

Some have told me that heaven and hell are states of mind and exist here on earth. How do I know if I am in heaven or hell?

Because, someone told me.

Some have told me that if I do good deeds on earth I will go to heaven (where if you recall, I will spend all of eternity doing nothing apart from being eternal). How do I know if I do good deeds here on earth that I will go to said place or if I do bad deeds go to the “other”?

Because, someone told me.

So do I see? Can I see what may have happened here? I “believe” that something will happen or has happened in the past on the hearsay of someone else. Someone external to “I”. And if I am the creator, then anything external to myself, not directly able to be experienced, cannot be relied upon to be truth. “I” am the truth. “I” am the way.


Being at the speed of light?

So I have already said that I am the creator of all that I perceive. I am the only one able to directly experience that which I perceive. That anything external to my creation is non existent until I bring it into existence.

What? I don’t understand. How can I bring anything into existence? Well, several years ago, I had a great idea, I wanted to build a weapon so powerful that it could destroy tens of millions of beings and so I invented it. Now it “exists.” So now I understand. OK that may be a bit simplistic but I am a simple being am I not. Let me ask myself a question. “How simple am I?”

The scientists have said that the universe is not solid which means I must not be solid, but I appear solid, and if I fall from a height onto a hard surface, my bones will break, which gives weight to my belief that I am solid. Others have said that I am a mass of swirling atoms vibrating at different frequencies and on the surface that seems to agree with my belief system but does not explain why I can interact with seemingly solid objects, and cannot walk through walls, unless each “thing” is made up from something which is vibrating at a similar frequency.
But then, I am using terms which I have been told about, terms which agree with my belief system, and as I cannot directly experience my atoms (or whatever they are) I will have to take someone else’s word for it.

But I must ask the question, “if I am the creator of all which I perceive how can I not perceive that which I am made from?”

If I, as God, or as a creator, or infinite being do not understand the building blocks that make up my current form, then how can I rely on anything that I say? Perhaps I am not the infinite being I believe myself to be.

Complex and Simple are mutually exclusive terms are they not? But if I cannot perceive anything about that which is me, at a fundamental level how can I use the terms? How can I understand what they mean? How can I define myself as complex or simple?

I will have to work from what I already know about “me”. Sure I can understand what people are telling me about the universe etc. from an intellectual perspective, as an observer to my own true nature, but by not being able to perceive my true nature directly I am at a loss.
I need some help here. I am not sure if I exist at all!

Apparently I am also travelling very fast but I am in fact sitting still, not moving mind nor body, yet I am still moving. My playground is moving around the energy source called the sun, at thousands of miles an hour yet the birds are not flying at that speed and neither are the clouds. I am observing movement in many things external to me, which are moving very fast yet I cannot experience that directly.

I know when I drive a car that the speedometer tells me I am going 100 miles an hour and because I am in direct contact with the car, I can experience the varying speeds, yet I do not move. In the car, my atoms are being transported from one location to another – London to Leeds, or Sector 41 to Sector 399 as I move around the sun.

Yet I am still here. I remain constant. Yet I know that to be a lie. I know that I cannot wish for my atoms to be in a different place. Yet I am thousands of miles from where I started out this morning but have travelled nowhere.

I am still here. I am still. I am here.
So everything I perceive is moving at different speeds, and through comparison I can see when one appears to be going faster. I can perceive that the earth must be turning, as I have been told that the sun remains stationary yet it becomes dark on earth each day for a time.

Yet I cannot perceive the journey the earth is making around the sun. which I have been told takes 365 days. Why is that? Perhaps it is because I am not able to observe the journey directly from a distance, and compare the position of the earth with other planets.

But why does it matter? I am interested in perceiving myself directly as my true nature, as only a creator can, yet I cannot. So whether my atoms (if that is what my nature is) are moving at the speed of light or that of a snail, it does not help me. If I cut myself I still bleed. If I am starved of oxygen I will suffocate. And whether my body is simple or complex I cannot perceive it at any other level than that which it is.

So maybe I will never be able to directly experience “my true nature” as to me, my true nature is something external, not able to be experienced directly.

I perceive it to be something more, but it is because I have been told it is more complex than I can hope to understand.

I have told myself that I am a infinite eternal being. I have told myself that my true nature is that of a creator, but even if I could directly perceive my true nature, would attempting to transform myself into that true nature mean that I would understand more about it?

On the surface it seems to make sense. I become the true nature, perceive it directly, and understand everything. But why would I want to do that? Is not my choice to experience this existence directly? Why would I wish to change that? After all, I told myself that I am the creator of all that exists. So I already know my true nature.
In my constant search to find out my true nature I am attempting to change it, and affect that which is, the only constant.


Beyond the Physical

In order to understand this more clearly I must give myself a message. A direct instruction.

“You are more than your body.”

My mind has then perceived it to come from somewhere external as it was given in the form of “you.” “You are a creator.” “You are an eternal infinite being.” And although I can change the statement into the possessive as in “I”, “I” don’t really believe that the statement has come from within as a direct perception or experience. It is an intellectual concept which my belief system will either agree or disagree with.

I have, in my time, created such words as “spiritual” to represent the statement “you are more than your body” but I must be careful as I am now using the word as something which exists externally to me. And if I am an eternal being/creator/consciousness, then using a word which I cannot directly experience in this, my true nature, that which I have chosen, is a falsehood, a trick to separate the physical which is also the eternal. I cannot be divided from that which is. And if that which is is the building blocks of everything, then I am to spiritual as I am to physical. All exists at the same time. The only thing that changes is my perception of the external and internal state in relationship to same.

So using a word like beyond is also false in contrast to my true nature which can never be beyond anything. And asking questions like “who created the earth?” merely seek to divide me from my eternal state as a creator.

There is nothing external to me except that which I choose to experience, which in itself is a paradox, as experience is internal. And if I don’t believe it, all I have to do is put my hand on a hot stove to understand that!
But as I said in the first chapter. This is my world.


A message to myself, from myself.

So, am I clear about who is talking now? Am I sure? Do I think God wrote this book, or did some fraudster impersonating him/her/it write it? Can I be sure I did not write this? Am I creating these words in my mind and imprinting them onto the page? But that doesn’t seem possible as I can see that the words have already been printed. But do they exist until my mind reads each word in turn?

God, as I refer to myself, there is no more questioning who “you” are. There must be no more talking to “yourself” as “you” know there is nothing external to “you”.

For too long I, as the creator of all that I perceive and experience have been caught up in an eternal struggle between the internal and external. I know that I am a powerful creator able to create life, able to live eternally, not through magic or design, because all that is will always be. How do I know? Well this isn’t like saying “I hope I will live forever” because hope is created through fear, and as the creator of all that I experience I do not live in fear of anything, least of all “death”.

I create the words on this page as I create my environment. I create love, pain, suffering, hate, violence, greed, jealousy, there is nothing external to “I”.

“I” am not caught up in petty squabbles about what is “right” and what is “wrong” or what is “mine” and what is “yours”.

I cannot control what “you” do, or convince you to think or act like “me” as there is only one of me. And although some may tell you that you have to listen to me, or be like me, that can never come into being, as “I” am the only thing which truly “exists”.

So I am the way. I am the light.
And I remember this every time I have conflict.

I am not a muslim, nor a christian, nor an aetheist, nor a buddhist, nor sikh, nor a hindu, nor a british citizen, nor an arab, nor a god, nor a devil, nor a gypsy, nor a black man, nor a white man, nor an tribe leader, nor a businessman, nor a drunk, nor a genius, nor an imbecile nor any other. I am. Whole. Undivided.
I require no titles to be bestowed upon me. I require neither love, nor compassion. I require no one to follow me, nor agree with me, for I am. Whole. Undivided.

I seek no riches, nor poverty, nor self sacrifice, nor animal sacrifice, nor power, nor helplessness, for I am. Whole. Undivided.

This is the message I give to myself.


Playtime – Dancing With Atoms

So now I know. Now I know I have not been created externally. And as a god it’s always nice to know I am the sole creator of everything in the universe. Now I have freed myself from any conflict, as I know there is nothing below or above me. I know I am a powerful creator, afraid of nothing. I do not perpetually worry about how I managed to create such magnificence. I accept that everything is, was, has been, and will be. But always, I will marvel at the beauty of such creation.

I can now play on my playground. I can now experience the beauty of my playground.



Chinese (Simplified)