Dear mum,

You would have been 91 today! Sorry, I know you don’t like people talking about your age!

Unfortunately, you only made it to 85, as some nasty cancer and another illness called alzheimers decided that you wouldn’t make it to 86…

I’m sorry you had to go through a few years of suffering, and although hari (the labrador) and I tried to look after you, we couldn’t save you.

We tried hard though, and tried to get you the help you needed, but you were really stubborn, and didn’t believe you had facial cancer, let alone ‘Alzheimers’!

In fact, you’ll laugh at this now you’re free from all the suffering…you once replied to me…

…Dementia!!!? Dementia!!? I´don´t have dementia, that a disgraceful thing to say! And from my own brother as well!’

That did make me laugh, and I now use it as an example, when people are talking about the illness!

Anyway, I thought I’d fill you in on whats been going on since you stopped breathing the earth’s fine air on the 26th january 2018…That’s five and a half years ago!

I thought I’d fill you in on what’s been happening since you left!

The day you departed the living world was very sad for everybody, me especially! I came into the ward you were on and you were just lying there with your mouth open and not breathing! I couldn’t believe you weren’t going to be around any more!

So, they embalmed you, wwhatever that means, and a week later we had a funeral service at that little church in st peters street. You’ll be pleased to know that we managed a good crowd, and had tea and sandwiches afterwards! You would have enjoyed it!

Shortly after, they whisked you up the M6 in a car, and hari and I followed on the Caledonian sleeper train!

I got to rothesay before you did, and saw you being brought over on the ferry! Not the waverley unfortunately!

It was at this moment that I saw a saiing boat slip quietly passed and I decided that after the chaos of the last 3 years looking after you with your crazy illness that Ineeded to retreat to the sea, to have some peace and solitude…. more on that later !

All the family were there, including karen and charlie mc cole, and dad , amazingly, and someone you worked with at the Co Op all those years ago!

The service was very tearful, and for the first time in my life I was crying uncontrolably! It got even worse when a gaelic singer sang a hymn for you!

You were then taken to the cemetery overlooking the bay, and placed in a great spot! I know it was probably cold and scary, but we have visited often to say hello and give you comfort…

So anyway, I decided to put all of it behind me, and decided to go to sea! Just like uncle john!

I needed more skills though so I signed myself up with this nice guy in spain, peter, for an intensive course to make me a great ocean sailor, and his wife lori kindly loked after your wee friend Hari! Who is loved the world over by the way!

I then bought a big sailing boat, a swan 55, and called her ariana, to continue the work that I started with the natural mind project…

It seems like years ago that we were all sitting editing the book, which you’ll be pleased to know has been read by millions of people worldwide, so thanks mum, your keen editing skills have been noticed by all those people….

there’s still speeling and grammmatical eerors but tht’s life !

Oh, I split up with that nice girl you liked when you were ill, as usual, I left to start something new, which I’m sure you’ll disagree with!

Oh, then , the guy Paul, that helped out with maintenance at the house convinced me to invest in his classic car restoration business, and then ran off with the cars and money!! As you always said, ‘never a friend in business’… hopefully i’ll get the money back !

Anyway, where was i ? Oh yes, sailing!

It wouldn’t have been your cup of tea being a big scaredy cat of the water (and not liking getting your hair wet!

It went really well, and I sailed all over the place! Unfortunately, I had to have crew on board and most of the people were , in your words, idiots! ha ha

Dad came down once, but he got scared too! silly daddy! mind you he’s 90 now! crazy eh?

But. You’re not going to believe this, the uk voted to leave europe , and then …there was a pandemic! and we weren’t allowed to go out! You wouldn’t have liked that! No breakfasts at weatherspoons in henley, no costa coffee, no wine at the two brewers!

I got stuck in Marlow and had to rent a cottage in medmenham, but I met this lovely girl (woman) who I shared some great times with during the lockdown, but of course, left again as soon as I was able to go back to sea! Baad alan!

As I was saying, brexit happened, which meant I couldn’t stay in the EU for more than 90 days in 180, and the boat couldn’t come back to the UK without VAT being paid again!

I know! Ridicilous! i bought the boat to find freedim again, and end up getting tied up in red tape, which basically, in addition to the theft of the money by paul, meant that we ran out of money!

I know, Iknow! I can hear you tutting at me!

So I put Ariana on the market, and apparently weŕe three weeks away from her being sold, so we should be in the money again!

Iḿ currently on the Isle of Arran, in Lamlash, opposite holy isle, where I wrote a portion of the natural mind – waking up, and camping in this lovely little campsite called Middleton’s with Hari! It’s getting a bit cold now , but I remember you telling me you slept with the window open, in a house with no heating in Rothesay, so I reckon I can put up with it! Even in my sandals! With socks! haha

Anyway mum, I hope you’re travelling well, and have met up with people you know, and don’t know! You’ve always been a chatterbox, which is probably where I get it from!

Oh, just to let you know, I’m using part of the money from the boat sale to set up a network of sanctuaries, called ‘Teresa’s” to make sure no one is left in fear, alone, and has a safe space…

They’ll be camping which you wouldn’t like, but I know you would approve of the money being used for compassionate purposes.

I often wonder where I get my compassion from , but it’s probably from you. Thank you for bringing me up to be the person I am today, you done well!

Happy Birthday

lots of love



ps thank you for your kindness to me your whole life .. you are one special mum ❤️


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