the waiting game

I’ve been back in portugal on my beautiful sailboat ariana for 2 weeks now, waiting for an elusive purchaser to grease my palm with silver ( I think that’s the expression) but alas it seems that I have to wait for at least another week!

Portugal is a lovely place, and most people are envious that I am here, but they don’t understand that not only am I penniless still, I have to live on a boat in a dusty yard, 20 feet in the air, peeing in a bucket, with no fresh water from the tap!

Poor me!

I actually really miss Hari, my faithful canine companion, and I miss our little tent on Arran, but I am not going to get the great british walkabout going until I have cash in the bank and have paid my debts (especially to my dad who has been supporting me, begrudgingly I might add!)

How I long to get on the road again, and make a difference in the world. At the moment I feel like my life is on hold, as I can´t afford to keep ariana, but have nowhere to go! But as I keep saying to everyone else, these are the consequences of my choices and actions!

No one forced me to embark on any of these projects! I could have just got a job like everyone else, paid my taxes, settled down, got a mortgage, had children etc etc..

But something deep inside me insists that I am on the right path!

Am I?

I think so!

I’d much rather be having an enjoyable saturday night, cosied up by the fire, with hari and someone I loved, drinking a glass of red and watching saturday night tv, not worrying about how I can help people think differently to make a better more peaceful world !

It’s exhausting!

But if ever there was a calling, this is it!

I shall keep going, keep my spirits up, and keep believing that what I am doing is the right action.

It feel strange not wearing my sandals and walking and sleeping in the tent, instead i am in a holiday resort, where people are just enjoying themselves, eating and drinking too much and singing on karaoke in the local bar….

How I wish that I could find someone else who thought like me, that I could have a meaningful, purposeful relationship with , but I did this to myself, and left every meaningful relationship I have ever had in search of a higher purpose, so as I said, this is just ‘consequences ‘ and through my resilience will weather the storm and come out the other side laughing and smiling (which I love to do!)

until the next time ….

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