As I said in my previous post, the last three years have been the worst Ihave ever experienced in my entire life, but I am highly aware that billions of people in the worls are having a far worse time than me.
I have led a very privileged life, thanks to being born in a wealthy country with plenty of opportunities, and parents who worked their way up from nothing in Glasgow to provide me with the best education and support anyone could hope to have.
I have earned a fortune and spent every penny of it either trying to better myself, travelling, or enjoying the finer things in life, so when I tell you that I have been homeless and penniless for the last two years Iḿ sure no one will have any sympathy for me, and neither they should!
But I am not here to wallow in the misery of how I had to sell my cherished porsche to pay for the upkeep of my Swan 55, classic ocean going yacht! That would be disgraceful and disrespectul to all those who have nothing! But, and there’s always a but!
This is my life, and how I choose to experience my life is always up to me… If I want to buy a porsche thatś up to me! If I want to spend all my money on an ocean going yacht that is up to me!
You have your life, and how you choose to experience it is up to you…
You are the master of your own creation, and what you choose to create is up to you!
Someone said to me a coule of years ago that instead of wasting money on a porsche, I should donate the money to a worthy cause!
A worthy cause? That’s me! I’m worthy!
I could say that instead of giving money to the tax man to spend on weapons, you could donate that money to a ‘worthy’ cause!
What constitutes a worthy cause is highly subjective though!
Anyway, enough of worthy causes! Back to me…
I now have an offer on my ocean going yacht Ariana which although I was loathed to sell her, was necessary in order that I could pay people back money I borrowed to stay ‘afloat’! Including the girl mentioned in the previous post.
I hated borrowing money from her, especially as I had hurt her so much the year before, so she remains my number one priority for repayment.
She has supported me psychollogically, financially, and emotionally through all this merde that I have put myself, people who loved and cared for me, and long suffering friends and family through!
But. I am pulling myself out of this, and I will never behave in the selfish, cruel way I behaved over the last three years ever again.
People deserve better of me, and I will make amends.
This week, something strange happened on Monday that has made me feel positive emotions that I haven’t felt for three years…
I am feeling confused, my tummy hurts, I feel nervous… No guesses why, but I feel more human every day again, in the best way possible…
Watch this space.
Love
Alan xxx
