MONEY, HOMELESSNESS AND PURPOSE

It’s been a while since I updated my blog, as I’ve been going through turmoil trying to sell Ariana, my home, which also happenns to be a classic 55 foot ocean racer. I never planned to sell her, but due to several factors, not least being aksed to pay VAT again on the boat after brexit to bring my home back to my own country and not having the money to pay it.

This week I finally received the money from a new buyer who I wish well on his adventures in her.

The funny thing is, on seeing my bank balance swell from zero to a couple of hundred thousand pounds was in many ways bittersweet. I know most people would be whooping with joy on seeing all that money, but for me, someone who has spent years trying to make themselves a better person, help everyone I could, and try and think of a way to create a better world whilst standing alone, in a society that didn’t wanr to listen, the money I got felt like a letdown.

In truth I was bitterly dissapointed, with myself mainly, for not being able to achieve my goals, for wasting my money, for investing in a business with a friend who subsequently ran off with the cash and the stock, for being so stupid, and not watching the pennies.

The thing is, I’ve never really cared about money, but as my dad said recently ‘yes, but you’ve got through a whole load of it’ and he’s right – searching for answers and wandering the globe is an expensive business.

Omeone said to me recently that if I wanted to make better world I should just donate my money to a worthwhile charity, but in my opinion, unless charities were creating a global shift in thinking to help evolve humanity, charities, no matter how worthwhile they are to those they help have a limited scope (as they have specific aims such as curing cáncer, helping refugees, or any number of food aid projects).

I on the other hand feel that is only by elevating our thinking, consciousness, call it what you will, that we can make a huge shift, as individuals, thereby having the knock on effect of insightful, compassionate human beings standing up and creating a new way forward, for the benefit of all others, including all the other species we share the planet with.

Just in case you think I’m some kind of hippy idealist, Iḿ not. Neither am I an anarchist, nor a do gooder, nor an environmentalist, nor animal rights or human rights activist.

I am a simple human just like the eight billion others I share this spinning ball of rock somewhere in space (wherever space is!!)

I do not believe doing yoga will elevate my thinking, nor meditation, I don’t believe that following a vegan diet (which I have for 18 years) will make me a better person.

I do not believe that becoming a ‘spiritual’ person (a meaningless statement if ever there was one) or someone who believes in ‘god’ or prays every day will help me, nor help me help others, as in my opinion, religion has done more to divide us than unite is, and is a man made concept, and a very dangerous one at that.

But I do believe that developing a broader perspective, and creating empathy with all can help me understand myself, in relationship with all others, and lead me to think better, and make choices which have a wide, but simple impact across the globe.

The best way I have found to do this is by undertaking difficult tasks, getting out of my comfort zone, caring for others, and making sure each day is filled with adventure, not monotony.

I have lived a forunate and privilieged life, unlike some of you reading this, and that may make you angry, but we all have to start from where we are.

Some have called me deluded, a narcissist, naive, and many other kind words, but I believe that by developing a purpose greater than just going to work, or procreating is helping me make sense of being alive in this crazy, cruel, and confusing world.

Has this made me happy? Absolutely not! The path I have chosen has made me anxious, panicky, stressed, depressed, you name it! Maybe if I had just followed the program, and conformed Iwould have had a happy fulfilling life, but alas, twas not to be!

And so, rather than buying a house with the money I received from Ariana, and settling down to raise a family, working in any old job to pay the bills, I shall continue, with my little tent, my backpack, and a heart filled with the desire to create something of value, that helps others and shows, rather than tells the way towards a higher purpose, which will inspire others to embark on their own journey of personal evolution, and elevate their thinking.

So I won´t be buying a house, a car, or embarking on a consumer spending spree to make me hapy. Nor will I be seeking out a new girlfriend, who will complete me. I like you who are reading this, vow to stand alone, not in isolation, but right in the center of everything, not aligned to any group or dogma, but amongst you, quietly shifting my thinking and helping you shift yours, one to one, in service of all.

That doesn´t mean Iḿ here to save you! As a friend of mine once said ´ẃho do you think you are, f***ing Jesús?”

No, Iḿ not Jesus, nor anyone else, Iḿ alan, and Iḿ just a little human with a little life trying to make sense of the wonder of being created and being able to experience the joy of being alive, of loving, of tasting new fruits, of walking on a new land, of sharing a meal with a stranger.

And in case you think I’m pretentious or deluded, I invite you to share a beer, coffee, wine, or water with me, and make your mind up yourself!

But until that day, I will put on my boots, or sandals, and get out there and experience the world. I don´t know how long I have left to live and neither do you, so make the most of it, this is one chance never to be repeated.

See you on the mountain, or on the sea, or maybe even in the pub.

Have a fun day, make someone laugh, and for goodness sake stop taking yourself so seriously or wallowing in misery, youŕe one part of the most intelligent species on earth, time to step up and behave like it.

Alan