An alert cognitive state in which you are aware of yourself and your situation

Having knowledge of

What is it to be conscious? Well if you’ve ever been knocked unconscious, you would probably know!

The dictionary defines it as having an alert cognitive state in which you are aware of yourself and your situation, but how do we do it?

I mean, I know there is a brain doing all the mechanical stuff, but is there something that is beyond the brain or the mind; something that is within our control, but does not exist in the physical mind? Or is it just a trick that the brain plays on us to make us think the thoughts are coming from outside?

The psychologists talk of their being a conscious mind (knowing and perceiving; having awareness of surroundings and sensations and thoughts), and a subconscious (psychic activity just below the level of awareness), but that creates division, so I would like to suggest that we are whole and that the conscious mind and the subconscious mind are one; but I can see why they split it, because the conscious mind deals with all the day to day stuff like imagination and paying bills etc. but the subconscious is where all the patterns are stored.

One part of the brain deals in a language we understand (because it is our language), and the other is one we cannot perceive using thought alone (yet).

But let’s us start our journey, and ask the only person who really knows what’s going on in there and that is ourselves, but for the discussion we will have to pretend there are two of us.

Me: So, brain, if that’s what you’re called, I’m here to find out what’s really going on, who I am and whether or not you are just playing tricks on me. I am here to find out everything and you will open up to me because you are me, right?

Brain: If you say so, but let me warn you I keep some stuff in here you may not want to know about, that’s why I have locked it away; to protect you.

Me: Protect me from who, myself? Don’t make me laugh. I can handle anything you can throw at me because you and I are the same.

Brain: True. We are. Me: So is there such a thing as conscious and subconscious? Brain: Well, do you know everything?

Me: No, why? Brain: Well, I must be keeping something from you, you can call it the subconscious if you will, but think of it more like a special box where we keep things we don’t need every day. Me: But, I have heard talk that the things that are kept in the box rule what we do in daily life?

Brain: But you are you. You are whole there is no division.

Me: So are you saying that I consciously am the way I am because I decide to be?

Brain: I have stored all of your memories and your experience and your knowledge, that’s all I am, a store; you just have to ask if you want the key.

Me: I don’t think you answered my question. But anyway. I want to know why I behave the way I do, so I guess I need the key.

Brain: Well if you’re sure. (The door opens)

Me: But this place doesn’t look anything like my thoughts. It’s too confusing there are colours and shapes and patterns and numbers I don’t understand.

Brain: That is because you are still thinking. Stop thinking and See.

Me: But it’s so light, there is so much brilliance, I don’t know where to start looking to find out who I am?

Brain: Shall I close the door?

Me: No! Keep it open, I want to let some of this out so I can think about it and see it with my conscious mind.

Brain: But if you do that you will not be able to put it back, do you understand?

Me: Just let it in. Wow! I can’t understand what it’s telling me, suddenly I can’t think clearly, there is so much information, it’s all a mess, all a jumble…

Brain: I told you.

Me: I feel a little afraid, as if I can’t control this. I feel as if I am losing control. I want it to stop.

Brain: I told you.

Me: But ok, I think I understand. I have to stop resisting it, I have to stop trying to control it. I think if I just let it wash over me, I’ll be OK. Phew that’s a bit better, it was like a herd of elephants trampling me, but I feel better now. But I feel as if I can’t make sense of it.

Brain: Stop trying to, your thought is what’s stopping you from seeing what is. Your thought is limited by me, not because I want to limit it, but because it is all I have.

Me: Wait a minute, I thought this consciousness stuff would lead to the universe and beyond, are you telling me it all comes from me?

Brain: Exactly.

Me: But what about this jumbled mess you have left me here, what does it all mean?

Brain: It has no meaning; it is just how I stored the information.

Me: So, hang on you are storing information like a computer in ones and zeros and then they are presented to me in visuals when I need to access them?

Brain: Kind of, but I am no computer

Me: Well, you’re like a super computer.

Brain: I am nothing of the sort. I store information and provide the processing power for you to make decisions.

Me: Isn’t that a computer?

Brain: Listen, the idea of a computer is limited by your own thought; tell me what you see?

Me: I see colours, waves, like strange, oh, I can’t describe it. It’s not scary anymore.

Brain: Now, don’t try to make sense of it with your thinking, but see it.

Me: How do you mean see?

Brain: Interact with it, become one with it, do not fight it.

Me: But how? How do I interact with something which is in my head and I am out here?

Brain: Where do you think you are? You are in here, because here is you. You and I have not gone anywhere outside this is all coming from you.

Me: But I can’t do it. The colours and the waves whatever they are, they are in my head.

Brain: Are they? Or are they everywhere?

Me: What?

Brain: I have opened the door I guard for you. I have let you in to your own mind. I have given you access to somewhere you are not supposed to go.

Me: Not supposed to go? But why? Why am I locked out from my own house? This is me, you are me, I control everything, I can go where I please.

Brain: Then why did I have to give you the key?

Me: Because you kept it from me.

Brain: I do not exist separately from you we are one, you remember, the whole? You locked the door.

Me: How could I lock the door? I didn’t even know there was a door!

Brain: You always kept the key.

Me: So why did I ask you for the key?

Brain: You didn’t ask me, you asked yourself.

Me: Argh! But I don’t understand, what is the point of this dialogue, where is it going?

Brain: You asked me, which is you, to help you understand.

Me: But now I’m even more confused, I don’t know what to think, my head is swirling around I feel very strange, and I seem to have unlocked some door I didn’t know even existed and it was me that locked it.

Brain: You’re getting there. Listen a long time ago, we could all see everything the way it was.

Me: And now? Brain: And now we are divided because of fear.

Me: Fear?

Brain: You are all afraid of life; you do not want to see everything the way it is so you close off part of yourself from it. But it is always you.

Me: Hang on, you said “you,” aren’t you me, or am I getting confused?

Brain: You talk to me as you and I reflect it back as you, but it is still “you.”

Me: I am so confused. First I see waves or patterns or something or colours and I have unlocked some stupid door, and you are you which is me. This isn’t helping I want out of this conversation.

Brain: Stay with it.

Me: Who’s saying that, me or you?

Brain: (Silence)

Me: Am I talking to myself? Actually, I have just realised I am talking to myself, this is my voice, this is me. Perhaps it all is a trick, I see, I am me; I know that sounds stupid but it’s true there is no other voice. It is the language I have learned and I play out scenarios in my head using the only tool I have available, language. It’s a trick.

Brain: It’s no trick.

Me: But I’ve solved it, and all of those swirly colours maybe I just projected them into my consciousness so it seemed like there was a door.

Brain: But there is a door and you have unlocked it.

Me: But I don’t want it open, I want to close it.

Brain: Then close it.

Me: I can’t, it’s open, it won’t move, all I feel like is that there is a steady stream of something coming from somewhere to somewhere and I can’t stop it, I want to, but I don’t know how to ask it to stop because I don’t have language, I can’t stop it.

Brain: You have unlocked the part of you that has been hidden.

Me: And how does this help me?

Brain: To end division once and for all. To see what has always been there.

Me: But I am not divided.

Brain: Not any more. But you have been in so much conflict haven’t you?

Me: Yes, I didn’t know the right path to take. I wanted to go one way and then something pulled me another. Oh it’s all so confusing.

Brain: Listen to me: You are on a path. You are on your path right now are you not?

Me: Yes?

Brain: Where is the conflict?

Me: I don’t know, it feels like something weird happened, or something, I don’t know. Ever since I unlocked that stupid door.

Brain: What is happening?

Me: It feels like the stream of thoughts has evened out, well they’re not thoughts, but I can see things in my imagination but the flow is not so much anymore.

Brain: What is happening?

Me: Conflict is being resolved, but how, without thinking about it?

Brain: Because thinking is what caused it. So you locked up part of yourself

Me: But why?

Brain: So you wouldn’t suffer, so you could go on without so much fear, so you could do what you wanted without feeling bad.

Me: But I am not suffering.

Brain: Not any more.

Me: I am tired from this conversation. When will it end?

Brain: When you want it to, you are in control.

Me: Am I?

Brain: Who is doing all this talking and writing at the same time? You are not channelling me from a different dimension you know.

Me: Somehow that’s what I wished. That there really is something more.

Brain: But there is.

Me: How, tell me?

Brain: Look.

Me: Look where?

Brain: Look.

Me: I am looking.

Brain: Look deeper.

Me: Deeper where?

Brain: Look.

Me: Argh! I can’t see. Where am I supposed to look?

Brain: (silence)

Me: I still can’t see.

Brain: (silence)

Me: (rubs head) I don’t know where to look. I am lost please help.

Brain: Why?

Me: Because this is wearing me out.

Brain: You asked the question, did you think it would be easy?

Me: Yes I did, actually. I thought I would connect up on a different spiritual plane and I would get all the answers I needed.

Brain: But there is no spiritual plane, is there?

Me: I don’t know.

Brain: It’s just you and me together as one. We are on our own.

Me: No, I want there to be something more.

Brain: There is more.

Me: But what is it?

Brain: Look.

Me: I’m sick of this.

Brain: You are part of the whole. You are undivided, you have resolved conflict by allowing the back to flow to the front and the front to flow to the back, do you understand?

Me: Yes.

Brain: Well, what else?

Me: I keep telling you I don’t know. Lights or colours or something or like a river or I don’t know

Brain: What is it?

Me: It’s me, it’s all me.

Brain: It is.

Me: But you said there was something else.

Brain: There is, and you are looking at it.

Me: What? The universe, what’s that supposed to mean? What is the point of this if I can’t get the answers I want…Argh, this is infuriating. I want to know.

Brain: So look.

Me: How can I look when I don’t know what I am looking at?

Brain: You are looking at yourself. You are starting yourself in the face. You have come face to face with who you are, what you are.

Me: Which is?

Brain: (silence)

Me: Ok I am whole, I am one brain, one mind but in the past I have locked up things to free me from fear but that has only lead to more fear and division. I have unlocked a door, and there is still a slow stream of something crossing over the top of my head. Well that’s what it feels like.

Brain: (silence)

Me: And if I am not mistaken, it feels like I am dissolving. That sounds really screwed up, how can I be dissolving, but not literally, I mean, like the stream is passing over my mind but is my mind, but is it the rest of me, or the rest of us, is there a connection to be made?

Brain: What do you think?

Me: I think that yes, perhaps this stream is the everything of everyone, I don’t know what you mean but I have to keep writing. This stream it is like my mind but it is my mind, but somehow it feels like there is a something holding it in place, if you are reading this you will think I have lost my mind!!! Bear with me. It is like a thread and it feels like it covers the surface of my mind but it also feels outside, I can’t look up and see it because it isn’t there but it is sitting there, am I hallucinating?

Brain: Why?

Me: Because it feels strange.

Brain: That is the connection.

Me: To what?

Brain: (silence)

Me: To the whole, that is what it is, I don’t know if it is everyone else, but it feels very strange. There has always been a connection hasn’t there?

Brain: (silence)

Me: The connection was always there to the other, to the whole to everything, and we lost it, we locked it away because we were frightened of it.

Brain: Maybe.

Me: No maybes about it, this is the real deal, this is the connection; this is what I wondered might be here when I started this book. There is a connection, although I still can’t be sure if my mind is playing tricks on me.

Brain: No tricks.

Me: You say. But you are me, you’d say anything.

Brain: Yes you would. Me: I’m exhausted… And that is exactly how I feel; exhausted. I don’t know what that conversation meant to any of you, but there was no thought in it, I just wrote what I questioned, and what I answered. I think me is the brain. Me is the language we have learned and imagination is the space where we play out scenarios. There is no other. Although I still feel the connection, it’s fainter now, but still there, like a weird river just passing over the top of my head, quite narrow, but don’t take my word for it. This was my own dialogue with myself. I just wrote it here to let you read it, no matter how mad it might sound! But we are whole, that is true (to me anyway), and I did feel as if I had handed myself a (albeit virtual) “key” to access the box. I don’t know if I have the energy, but I’d like to try this conversation again some day, but not in a book! What is real? I don’t know. Who am I? Well, if I think about it, I can’t answer, but when the two “chambers” “flowed into each other” I felt a kind of knowing, a kind of peace, although it seemed violent at the time, and that conflict had finally ended. How did I do it? Who knows? Was it real? Who knows?

But all I know is that the door is finally open and it’s staying that way so I might as well get on keep exploring.

Have a dialogue like mine. Find out if there is a key, or perhaps you may find out it’s all nonsense; that our brain (which we don’t understand) just plays tricks on us. But maybe it doesn’t. Maybe the connection to the whole is real. Maybe there is consciousness that exists above the plane of thought and sight. All I know is, I won’t stop exploring. I’m going for a rest…

Oh just one thing. As I just found out when I re-read this, you will have to probably make a lot of spelling corrections after you finish your dialogue!

Chinese (Simplified)